Things I Wish I Could Say To The People Who Are Interviewing My Children For Full-time Jobs, The List:

  1. “Even if I weren’t her mommy, I would vouch for my princess’s  character.”
  2. “He is my favorite child for a reason, and I think he could soon become your favorite employee.”
  3. “My Husband and I invested about $100,000 on her education, so she probably has picked up some marketable skills along the way, wouldn’t you think?”
  4. “Please try to remember what you felt like when you were fresh out of grad school and looking for a job.  Be kind and gentle.”
  5. “She is extremely well-organized.  Why, I remember how she would line up her horse figurines so neatly on her bedroom shelf…”
  6. “He is extremely loyal.  Why, I remember when his baby brother swung a toy light saber at him and chipped his front tooth. Even that did not stop this young man from always protecting his baby brother.”
  7. “I really want her to fully move out because I need her bedroom for my new home gym.  You wouldn’t want my impending potential cardiac issues on your conscience now, would you?”
  8. “He will always show up to work neatly dressed.  I taught him how to fold his laundry, plus when he left for college I bought him an iron and an ironing board, which I am pretty sure he has used at least twice a year since then.”
  9. “If you have doubts about her talent, I can show you years’ worth of art work that I have framed and hanging in my hallway, not to mention the stuff hanging on the refrigerator.”
  10. “My boy is such a hard worker. And a self-starter.  And so dedicated. He never needed to be reminded to take out the trash, and oh, he did a great job setting up our compost container and our recycling bins.”
  11. “Just look at that adorable face!”

 

 

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