1.  “We had an early supper, so I am just going to enjoy being alone in my hotel room.”

2.  “We had the cutest waitress taking care of us today.  She was so bubbly!  She was probably our daughter’s age.  Wow, she was just so cute.”

3. “I didn’t buy you anything, so is that OK?  I mean, you have been to Canada several times before, and you probably don’t want maple sugar candy anyhow.  Right?”

4. “We had supper at this cozy micro-brewery.  I had this amazing stout, with just a hint of coffee flavor.   You would have loved it.”

5. “I had a shot of maple-flavored whiskey this evening.  You would have loved it.”

6. “For our appetizer, we ordered bacon strips, and they were coated in maple syrup and peanuts.  So good!  You would have loved it.”

7. “I paid for my supper with my own credit card, not the company credit card.  I spent alot, so expect to see that charge on our statement.”

8. “You ate scrambled eggs for dinner?  What, are you dieting or something?”

9. “I saw a snow squall this morning.  Big fat flakes. And there’s still snow on the ground here.” 

10. “They are expecting a snowstorm here on Friday morning, right as I am leaving, but it should be safe to travel.  I hope.”

 

 

FLASHBACK TO 2010-2011 school year. 

1. Remember that you were a political science major and that Son will grow frustrated if you explain civics-class-related concepts in too much depth. Sigh. Sometimes repetition is the way he will learn, e.g. sing the Preamble song over and over, like a Schoolhouse Rock recording in a continuous loop.

2. Suggest Son should wear a nice pink button-down shirt for Picture Day. Encourage Son to wear a nice pink button-down shirt. Insist that Son wear a nice pink button-down shirt. Smile knowingly when Son later reports that several girls complimented him on his shirt.

3. Review algebra surreptitiously when Son is at school. Assure him later that you have not forgotten a thing and that you are amply qualified to assist with his homework.

4: Maintain composure and dignity when Younger Son asks you to define terms such as “promiscuity,” “profanity,” and “lewd sexual references.” (He’s doing a project about banned books in US schools for the Fahrenheit 451 unit.)

5: Do not get annoyed when Chorus teacher reports that Younger Son is refusing to pick out a tux on his own from the closet. Instead, help him to pick out the best fitting jacket and non-“flood” pants, and realize– with a pang of tenderness– that in a few short years he will hopefully be relying on a wife to help him get dressed.

6: Trust Fate to punish Son better than Mom can. He forgot to complete his homework, so he threw his head back in frustration and hit the desk behind him. Goose-egg started to emerge, so he went to the office to seek out the school nurse. I just happened to be in the office, while on my break, so he had to tell me the whole story. Wounded head, wounded pride, smirking Mother– awesome!

7: When the appeal to logic fails, resort to making him feel guilty. When this old trick you learned from your mom fails, resort to bringing in His Father. One bellow from His Father, and Son is penitent.

8.  While he fusses with his hair, his belt, his tie, all his “graduation day” clothes (purchased in the Men’s Department), keep telling yourself that you would rather have this than the little boy who never minded going to school with bed-head, rumpled tee-shirts, and questionable socks.

9. If I could have seen the LAST day, maybe the rest of the year would have been easier. Son made the honor roll, received a perfect attendance certificate, won a science award for “most inquisitive,” and made a short presentation in honor of the principal. Believe me, no one is as surprised as I am about this “happy ending!”