Things That Happen When Beloved Husband Accompanies Me On A Mega-Shopping Trip to Sam’s Club, The List:

~ monicalists
  1. We select a jumbo-sized bag of Halloween candy that does NOT include any of Husband’s favorites, because that candy needs to last until the Trick-or-Treaters come.
  2. Even though Husband swears his pumpkin-carving days are behind him now that the children are grown, he helps me choose a jumbo-sized pumpkin with plenty of smooth surface area.
  3. I play the role of dainty wife and coquettishly ask Husband to push the cart because he is so much stronger than I am.
  4. Husband deliberates the best way to arrange bulky paper products in the cart.
  5. Husband rolls his eyes when I carefully inspect the eggs inside the carton.
  6. Husband re-arranges all the paper products yet again, since he now has to accommodate the fragile eggs.
  7. Husband dutifully picks out the best roasted chicken, and offers no complaints about roasted chicken for tonight’s supper.
  8. After adding several cases of beverages to the cart, Husband once again re-arranges all the contents with mathematical precision.
  9. Husband selects a two-year supply of toothbrushes, because why not?  It’s not like toothbrushes are going to go stale.
  10. Husband wanders off to look at sparkly Christmas lights.
  11. Husband grumbles that once our items are on the cash register belt, he will never be able to put them back in the cart the same way.
  12. Competent cashier does not even remove most of our items from the cart, so Husband is satisfied.
  13. Upon arrival at our car, Husband segregates groceries into categories, so that soap products will not touch the produce items during the five minute drive home.
  14. Husband packs the trunk with mathematical precision.
  15. I plop the pumpkin in one back seat and toss the bread products onto the other seat.
  16. I secure the egg carton in a blanket.
  17. Husband warns me that before we can eat the chicken, everything must be unpacked and put away.
  18. While Beloved Husband hauls all the paper products and beverage bottles to our downstairs storage area in multiple trips, I make sure the eggs are safely placed inside the refrigerator.  Then I secretly begin to nibble on the chicken.giphy

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