Month: November 2017

Things That Made Thanksgiving 2017 Different Than Thanksgiving 2002, The List:

~ monicalists ~ Leave a comment

FullSizeRender

  1. No one was wearing a headband with construction-paper feathers, nor a cardboard Pilgrim hat with an over-sized “buckle”, nor a macaroni necklace.
  2. And those numerous place-mats each child brought home from elementary school?  You know, where they made turkeys out of the outlines of their little hands? Yes, of course I still have them in a box somewhere, but we used a real tablecloth instead.
  3. When I started singing “Any Turkey Can Tango”–just the cutest little turkey-themed ditty ever, trust me–no one joined in.
  4. Taste buds have matured, so I added mushrooms to a few dishes and I used “exotic” spices like ginger and nutmeg in the pumpkin pie.
  5. I demanded assistance with cooking, because now my offspring are old enough to be careful with hot ovens and knives. No salve was needed, no blood was shed.
  6. I demanded assistance with clean-up, since now I can trust my offspring to dry the crystal stemware without dropping any. (Husband, however, is another story.  He broke one of my cordial glasses.)
  7. We watched the Macy’s Parade in surround-sound and in high-definition on a big-ass TV screen.
  8. While watching the parade, some family members provided rude and irreverent commentary about the balloons and the performers and the floats.  (OK, so the lip-syncing was pretty bad, but don’t go dissing the Pillsbury Doughboy!)
  9. Oldest Son was not with us, but instead was celebrating 400 miles away with the lovely family of his lovely significant-other.
  10. No one was interested in perusing the Black Friday circular from Toys R Us.
  11. The cider we enjoyed with our dessert was not the type of cider you can legally offer to kids.  Cheers!

Things My 92-Year-Old Mother And I Discussed During The Course Of My Four-Day Visit, The List:

~ monicalists ~ Leave a comment

img_6618

  1. Items Mama won at BINGO games at the nursing home.  (Sometimes the prize is a nickel, or a bottle of 7-Up.  The other day she won a small package of crackers and a Hershey bar, and she insisted that I take both of them.)
  2. Items that have gone missing from Mama’s room. (“You better take put these crackers and this Hershey bar in your purse now, because if the nurses see them, they will take them.”)
  3. Female residents of the home who do not wear bras. (“Their breasts just hang there in front of them, like droopy old bags.”)
  4. The current ripped jeans fashion trend. (“And here’s my granddaughter to visit me.  She’s wearing a nice purple top, but her jeans?  Full of holes!  Big, gaping holes.  It’s disrespectful to me, really it is, when she shows up dressed like that.”)
  5. My fashion choices. (“Isn’t that scarf too shiny?”)
  6. The adaptability of my fashion choices. (“Why are you wearing short sleeves in November?” “Because, Mama, you keep your room way too warm for me.” “Oh no, it’s just right in here.  Put your long-sleeved sweater back on. It looks better.”)
  7. The accuracy of the lunch tab. (“Did the waitress charge you the right amount for my soup?”)
  8. The affordability of the lunch tab. (“Do you have enough money to pay for my lunch?” “Yes, Mama, I have enough.” “Because you just spent all that money on airfare.” “Really, Mama, I insist.”)
  9. The palatability of the Greek food I ordered for my lunch at the diner.  (“It’s pastichio, Mama, kind of a Greek-style lasagna.” “I wouldn’t eat it.”)
  10. The palatability of the liver and onions Mama ordered for her lunch. (“I enjoyed that meal.  Liver is good for you.  I feel stronger already.”)
  11. The innate ability of males to fix household items. (“The umbrella is broken.” “Oh, let’s see if there’s a man around to fix it.” “Mama, I don’t need a man to tell me that this umbrella cannot be fixed. I am just going to get another one at Dollar General.” “No, wait, maybe we can find a man to look at it.”)
  12. The abundance of retail stores. (“Park near here, by the Kohl’s sign.”  “Mama, that’s just the sign.  The actual Kohl’s is further back.” “Are you sure? I think the Kohl’s is here.” “No, look, there it is, toward the back of the parking lot.” “Well, they must have two Kohl’s in this shopping center. It is a popular store, you know.”)
  13. My ability to be a grown-up. (“Is there enough gas in the tank?” and “Are you going the right way to the restaurant?” and “Did you lock the car?” and “Did you remember to take your purse?”)
  14. My ability to be a grown-up who travels. (“Just don’t fall asleep at the gate and miss your flight,” and “Are you sure your husband knows when to pick you up from the airport?”)
  15. The necessity of a happy ending to every story. (“He doesn’t love her enough.  He’s going to let her go without a fight.” “Mama, it’s a Christmas movie on the Hallmark Channel.  They are going to reconcile and live happily ever after.”)
  16. The necessity of fulfilling responsibilities. (“I know you have a job and a husband and children back in Virginia.  I know you need to go back, but I wish you could stay with me.”)