Month: April 2018

Things I Could Get Away With Saying If I Were To Write An Anonymous Review Of Our Cidery Tour Guide (Who Just Happened To Be Our Daughter), The List:

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  1.  From the moment we saw her, we fell in love with her.
  2. She greeted us warmly and sincerely, and made us feel like we had known her all her life.
  3.  Happily, she didn’t look like our last several guides at similar establishments–those guys had flannel shirts and beards.
  4. She was witty, and she spoke clearly and with authority, a reflection of the accomplished woman she no doubt is.
  5. And her voice was animated and carried well.  She probably learned all this from a female role model, like her mom.
  6. Our guide was knowledgeable about all aspects of this small business, and she answered all our questions.  Her passion for cider was evident. She likely grew up in a family that appreciated fine alcohol.
  7. Our tour was enhanced by the guide’s grace, poise, intelligence, and beauty. What a great asset for this company!
  8. We want our daughter to grow up to be just like our tour guide.  In fact, we would be happy to have our tour guide come spend every major holiday at our home.
  9. We loved the final part of our tour: the sampling!  My husband later claimed that she seemed to pour us bigger samples than she poured for the others, almost as if we were her favorite customers.
  10. She was a natural in the tasting room.  She described the bouquets and flavors so well–she must have been raised by foodie parents, and was probably a discriminating eater as a child.
  11. The effervescence of the cider matched her effervescent personality.
  12. Throughout the tour and sampling session, our guide exuded competence as well as kindness–we would want someone like her to take care of us in our old age.
  13. She even offered us a family discount on the cider we purchased.
  14. We would highly recommend this tour–and this tour guide–to everyone.

Things I Refrained From Saying To College Boy During Our (Long Overdue) Video Chat Between Virginia and Australia, The List:

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  1. You lucky S.O.B.  Two weeks of semester break is unheard of back home in Virginia.
  2. You do realize, right, that your credit card is linked to Dad’s, and that we see every transaction?
  3. We are just going to assume that all the credit card transactions from “pubs” and “taverns” and “bars” are not just for alcohol purchases.  Surely they include meals as well, right?
  4. We are living vicariously through you, so you had better post those photos from your trips to New Zealand and to Melbourne as soon as possible.
  5. Did you honestly think that Dad, who makes a living studying helicopters and such, would not happily give you the money for a flight down to a glacier?  He cannot wait to see photos of that chopper, by the way, as soon as possible.
  6. How’s your love life?
  7. I cannot believe you ate kangaroo, yet again.  Seriously.
  8. How come your siblings know more about your travels than I do?
  9. So, you climbed a mountain in New Zealand all by your lonesome. Yes, I know you have done this before, but oh my God, you were all alone.  In a foreign country. What if something bad would have happened?  What if we never heard from you again?
  10. So, you climbed a mountain in New Zealand all by your lonesome.  OK, so I admit that I also took off all by myself on more than one occasion when I was studying abroad.  I was stupid and reckless, I know, and my parents worried.  This is the almighty payback I get from karma, right?  Karma is such a bitch.
  11. You are picking up traces of an Australian accent, especially when you pronounce the names of cities there.  It’s cute, for now.
  12. Dad is so completely jealous of your two jet boat rides.  I will never understand you crazy men and the need for speed.
  13. You went to an art gallery in Melbourne!  You went voluntarily!  I am so happy that you are doing what I love to do!
  14. You ordered your first flight of beer!  At a microbrewery in Melbourne!  I am so happy that you are doing what I love to do!
  15. I really hope that all these glorious natural wonders you have been seeing –like rain forests and glaciers and coral reefs and pristine mountain lakes–are still around when your children are college-aged.  Because I want you to use your education to save the world, because I eventually do want grandchildren, and because I expect you to pay it forward and send them to study abroad.