1. “When we look at these photos many years from now, you will be glad that you shaved the mustache off for our ceremony.”

2. “My mom is worried that the cake will be dry and crumbly.”

3. “My mom is worried that all 225 people will not fit into the banquet hall.”

4. “My mom is worried that there won’t be enough food to feed everyone.”

5.“Why did I ever agree to a dress with a train? The bustle is making me look fat.”

6. “I need a bridesmaid to hold my dress up while I pee.”

7. “OK, using a Porsche for the get-away car is cool, but it’s hard to sit in a bucket seat with this huge dress.”

8. “If the priest says ‘man and wife’ instead of ‘husband and wife’ I swear I will make him correct it.”

9. “Taking the garter off with your teeth may have been fun for us, but a few of our guests are offended.” 

10. “Oh, I am so happy that your parents offered to pick up the tab for the open bar.”

11. “My cheeks hurt from smiling.”

12. “Just let me lead, damn it, because I am a better dancer than you.”

13. “So yes, the priest did say to be fruitful and to multiply, but I cannot picture myself as a mom. And if we have kids, let’s wait until we are 40 and then just have one.”

14. “Psst, you mean you don’t know that couple that just went through the receiving line? I don’t know them either.”

15. “Elvis Presley signed our guestbook.”