- I have not seen the movie.
- I have not read the book, either.
- My mother easily gets jealous if I stop paying attention to her, so I try to not engage her roommate in extended conversation.
- I don’t want to discuss anything even remotely related to sex while my mom is in the same room. I have been married for 30-plus years, and I am still waiting for the “birds and bees” talk, for that matter.
- Roommate had already informed me, earlier in the day, that “Michael Buble is hot.” While I do heartily agree (sigh…), I suspect 80-plus year old Roommate has few filters and I am too scared to test her limits.
- And even earlier in the day, Mother was completing a word search puzzle with a “construction” theme, and she asked me–in Polish– what the English word “erection” meant. I needed a deep breath before I answered, so Mother asked again, even more loudly. (“Co to znaczy, erection? Nie znam te słowo, erection.”) I finally explained what the word meant from a construction point of view, but I couldn’t help but wonder if the nursing staff overheard. Not risking further mortification! What must they think of us!
- Since Mother is hard of hearing, she often asks for me to repeat back to her–in Polish–what people are saying. I would have to translate, therefore, all our possible discussion about Mr. Grey’s behavior. I do not know the Polish words for “bondage” and “submission” and such–but what if I discovered that Mother did know the terms? Could. Not. Handle. That.
- It was late in the afternoon, and I had not started drinking. Yet.
Monica Lists 