Things Uttered By Members of My Family This Friday and Saturday As We Moved College Girl Into Her First Real Apartment, The List:

Throwback to August 17, 2014

1. Thank God there’s an elevator.

2. Yes, I know it’s the sixth floor, but your bathroom window really needs some sort of window covering.

3. Of course we can fit a queen-sized mattress into the back of the minivan. We did it before for her big brother.

4. Did you notice that once I stepped away, three guys came forward to help you put the bungee cords on the back of the minivan? That’s because you’re cute and young and blonde and wearing tight pants.

5. Thank God in heaven above that there’s an elevator.

6. Yes, Dad brought all the power tools anyone could possibly ever need to assemble a bed and a bookcase.

7. The dome of the synagogue across the street looks like a giant yarmulke.

8. Ugh, has anyone ever dusted these baseboards?

9. How much are we paying a month for her to live in this place?

10. Look, I can see where my car is parked from this window!

11. Look, I can see Lowe’s from this window!

12. The radiator is really not an optimal spot for the aquarium.

13. You are going to have to drive yourself to Kroger for groceries. After all, you do have a car now.

14. You are going to have to drive yourself to Walmart for cleaning supplies. After all, you do have a car now.

15. Yes, you should have plenty of money in your checking account to buy groceries and cleaning supplies because we pay for your life.

16. Yes, the view from here really is beautiful.

17. Thank the almighty Lord God in glorious heaven above that there’s an elevator.

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