Throwback to September 22, 2015, when my morning duty at the high school included monitoring the drop-off lane.

1. Use a hammer to smash the phone of every parent who uses his/her phone while driving in this area.

2. Mandate that above-mentioned parents hold a conversation with their offspring– seated in the car–versus someone on the other end of the phone.

3. Use a sledgehammer to smash the windshields of drivers who honk at school buses.

4. Mandate that above-mentioned “honkers” pass the tests necessary to become a school bus driver.

5. Use a paint-ball gun to splatter a myriad of colors onto the cars of drivers in this area who speed, make U-turns, and do not use turn signals.

6. Mandate that above-mentioned drivers take Behind The Wheel classes alongside high school students.

7. Use an extra-large can of scarlet-red spray paint to mark an “F” (for “Fool”) on the hoods of the cars of parents who drop their children off in the right-hand turn lanes, versus designated drop-off lanes.

8. Mandate that the above-mentioned Fools write reflective essays about the value of their children’s safety versus the value of being on-time for work.

9. Use a gigantic, ear-drum-popping megaphone to yell at drivers who do not yield to student pedestrians, most of whom are using a cross-walk.

10. Mandate that above-mentioned “non-yielders” spend every rainy day of the school year acting as crossing guards while wearing neon outfits which are non-waterproof and itchy. #angermanagementissues #safetyfirst