Throwback to November 21, 2013

1. “Hey, Mom, since you never have a positive experience at Kroger, let us go and do the grocery shopping.”

2. “Hey, let’s fold laundry while we watch the Macy’s Parade. It’s better than just sitting here like lumps on the coach for three hours straight.”

3. “Mom looks like she could use a martini. I think I will make one for her.”

4. “Hey, following recipes is easy. Let’s tell Mom we’ll do all the cooking.”

5. “Save me the giblets!”

6. “Go, Michigan!”

7. “Wife, you are the best cook ever. Even better than my mom. And my grandma.”

8. “Are you kidding? Of course we’ll wash the dishes, Mom!”

9. “Let’s wake up at 4 AM and hit the sales because we really need to get a special gift for our parents.”

10. “Oh goody! Turkey leftovers!”

Wednesday, November 25, 2020

Yup, 2020 sucks. Most of us have had to alter our Thanksgiving plans and traditions, and many of us are disappointed that family members will not be joining us. All of us are waiting anxiously for the whole damn pandemic to be over, but I think most of us know that our Christmas celebrations will also need to be adapted to our “new normal” and that more disappointments are ahead.

Alas, Oldest Son will be celebrating Thanksgiving not with us, but at his current home in Nashville. He is taking the CDC advice seriously, and we support his decision to not travel. Happily, he will be sharing the meal with a special woman who makes him smile, and I am so very thankful for her. Daughter is doing the one hour and fifteen minute drive to join us for the meal, and Youngest Son is currently living with us, so we know we will have four of us at the table. We still need to decide whether we will exercise an abundance of caution and dine outdoors on the deck. Or perhaps we should dine outdoors regardless, in solidarity with other families doing the same–and because the weather forecast is predicting a partly-cloudy day with a high of 71 degrees.

I have been cooking a few special dishes (OK, more than a few) for us to share. Last year, we broke with tradition and prepared an Indian-fusion themed Thanksgiving meal (yes, cranberries make a great chutney, and turkey rubbed with garam masala is very tasty). This year, the theme is New Mexico, so the turkey will be rubbed with red chile powder and served with green chile gravy. I am also going to serve sweet potato soup, corn flan, pinto beans, stuffing with chorizo, and a cranberry relish with apples, figs, and many spices. Dessert will include a chipotle-spiced apple cake, and anise-flavored biscochitos alongside the pumpkin custard. And there will be cocktails, and wine, and beer.

I am starting off tonight with a martini I call “Little Golden Moments” because I need to dwell on the multitude of good memories my family will be making this holiday. I am using Goldschläger, a Swiss cinnamon schnapps which has teeny-tiny flakes of gold suspended in it. Real gold! How festive! How pretty!

Chill the Goldschläger and the vodka in advance. In a martini glass, combine 1 part Goldschläger with one part vodka. (If you make this in a shaker, you will lose some of the gold flecks.) Stir gently. Add an ice cube if you must dilute the drink a bit.

Throwback to November 23, 2015

1. Since he won’t be around to make the green bean casserole, the duty falls to College Girl, who needs to learn this valuable life skill.

2. It’s easier to cut the pies into equal pieces when there are 4 of us eating the pies, versus 5.

3. More beer to go around.

4. One fewer person to gang up on College Boy, the tormented “little” brother.

5. One fewer set of sheets and towels for me to wash once the weekend is over.

6. The family is less likely to burst into the giggles while at church.

7. Fewer snide comments during the Macy’s Parade broadcast.

8. More elbow room at the breakfast table.

9. No opportunities to take embarrassing family photos to use in the upcoming Christmas card.

10. His girlfriend obviously finds him acceptable enough to bring home to her family.

Throwback to November 24, 2014

1. At least 2 of our guests are lactose-intolerant.

2. At least 2 of our guests have a gluten sensitivity.

3. At least 2 of our guests are vegetarian, and one is vegan.

4. Yes, that means that there will be enough meat for all, especially since there will be both ham and turkey.

5. I am definitely making homemade cranberry sauce, and I am using Aunt Emma’s recipe, even though you (Mother) always said the canned stuff was better.

6. Two of our guests are bringing guests whose parents live in foreign countries, and we are perfectly fine with that.

7. No, I am not making all the food alone. My guests are considerate enough to pitch in and bring their specialties.

8. Grad School Man is bringing his girlfriend because it’s more practical, and not because she hates her family.

9. The turkey is already thawing in the refrigerator because it is way safer than thawing it on the counter, like you always did.

10. College Girl is bringing the “British Bad Boy” that she met in London and yes, she has explained the American holiday of Thanksgiving to him, and no, we will not make the day awkward for him. Well, not too much.

Throwback to November 12, 2015

1. “He/she is such a simpleton.”

2. “Finally!”

3. “Too spicy!”

4. “What a lovely Polish surname!”

5. “Did you have enough food for your guests?” and/or “Did you serve 3 meats?”

6. “Is (grandchild’s name)’s boyfriend/girlfriend a Catholic?”

7. “I only say what is the truth.”

8. “How does my hair look?”

9. “What have you done with your hair? It’s too blonde/brown/gray/long/short/curly/straight/messy.”

P.S. Love you, Mama.

Throwback to November 7, 2014

1. If you are early, you are on time. If you are on time, you are late. If you are late, it’s unacceptable.

2. Always recruit helpers whose company you enjoy and who do not mind if you drop an occasional swear word. (Thank you, Susan, Lore, Liz, Lee-Lee, and Carrie.)

3. Buy many pairs of black socks from the Dollar Store and keep them handy, because there is always that one kid who chronically forgets socks, and it could very well be your kid. (Isn’t that right, Youngest Child?)

4. There will always be that one marcher, that one kid, that one with the attitude, that one who complains about itchy suspenders or an uncooperative zipper or a broken shoelace. Eventually, that kid graduates, and another whiner takes his place.

5. Musical instruments can be fixed with supplies from Lowe’s, especially if you are Donna R.

6. Craig J. writes some wicked drill.

7. Director Greg T. is a god, or at least a super-hero.

8. When your mellophone kid is playing a duet, you hold your breath and clench your fists until he is done, then you sigh and grin.

9. When your baritone kid is playing a duet, you hold your breath and clench your fists until she is done, then you sigh and grin.

10. When your youngest chooses to join the percussion section, you release a breath and unclench your fists, because there will never be a percussion duet.

11. The percussion section members believe that they are not really members of the band. They believe themselves to be special, and the rest of the band just humors them.

12. Even teenagers can be taught how to fold pants on the crease and how to hang jackets properly.

13. Be careful what you wish for, because after years of pining for new uniforms, you finally get them, and you get a whole new set of problems.

14. A good “horn angle” means you will never get a decent photo of your child’s face.

15. Baby wipes are the best for cleaning stains on uniforms.

16. Marching band students are hard-working, respectful, and just generally awesome.

17. Writing about the lessons learned in marching band–like self-discipline,cooperation, and losing with grace–makes for a helluva college application essay. And for a helluva legacy to take with you throughout adulthood.

Throwback to November 13-December 12, 2011

1. Think in relative terms. Sure, you may not be thrilled with the newly-pierced tragus, but at least a tattoo was postponed. For now.

2. Say a prayer of thanksgiving for all the teachers who have agreed to write letters of recommendation. Better yet, say several prayers, because these dear people are over-worked and under-paid, yet remain so supportive of our kids.

3. Buy new file folders. Start organizing FAFSA documentation now, since it’s due January 1 for some schools, and you don’t want these papers to get lost among the holiday bills.

4. Be grateful you kept old folders, because at least one school wants to know the date we registered to vote in Virginia. Really? And the exact date we moved into our house. And the date we registered our vehicles.

5. When she asks for a hug, just give it; don’t question the reason, just do it.

6. Appreciate the irony of life. So today you screeched at her a bit about her (admitted) lapse of judgment. Then 15 minutes later you open the mail to see that she’s been invited to join the National Beta Club because of her “academic achievement, worthy character, and commendable character.” Hmph!

7. Remind her occasionally that lapses of judgment could result in loss of car, gas money, and cell phone. Remind her that you pay for life as she knows it.

 8. Allow her to have a “campus weekend” preview when College Boy’s sweet female friends invite her to spend Friday night/Saturday with them. Marvel at the fact that College Boy no longer minds that his little sister is “tagging along.”

9. Pat yourself on the back for not asking (prior to her road trip to see her brother) if she remembered to pack everything, if she had money in her wallet, and if she had enough gas in the car. And upon her return, wait for her to volunteer details, even if you’re dying to know gossip about College Boy.

10. Don’t volunteer too much information about what you did at 18. For example, when she reports that a campus party she visited was serving mulled wine, don’t look at Husband and gush, “Whatever happened to the jello shots and 151 we used to drink?” Oh, I did say that out loud, didn’t I?

11. So when she gets really excited about a private university that has accepted her, take a deep breath before you look at the tuition. Remind yourself that you encouraged College Boy to go to a private school. And that your parents encouraged you to go to a private school. And somehow, the family did not have to resort to ramen noodles for each meal.

12. Remind yourself, as you help Daughter with math homework that involved derivatives and radicals and quadratic equations, that all this mental activity is helping your middle-aged brain to stay healthy.

Throwback to November 3, 2013

1. Super-long-awaited new uniforms are pretty.

2. Super-long-awaited new uniforms require some hemming after all, since teenagers grow–up and out– quite quickly.

3. Super-long-awaited new uniforms will bring unique, unexpected problems, so be careful what you wish for.

4. Spraying Scotchguard on 66 uniforms puts cramps in your hand. And gives you a headache.

5. Creating a new part of the routine, such as “Question of the Week,” will create ripples of unease among the students.

6. However, by week 8, students will remind you that you forgot to ask them the “Question of the Week.”

7. Many teenagers cannot name a state capital other than their own.

8. Many teenagers cannot name an adverb.

9. Many teenagers are gloriously inventive when asked to describe marching band using a simile or metaphor. (“Marching band is like a tattoo. It fades over time but always stays with you.”)

10. Saxophone straps leave unsightly black smudges.

11. Mysterious stains in colors such as sky-blue and pink come out when you rub hard enough with a baby wipe.

12. The cheap baby wipes work better than the thick, expensive kind.

13. Co-workers in the closet will support you as you laugh and cry. (You know who you are, Susan, Lore, and Lee-Lee.)

14. Co-workers in the closet will not be scandalized when you swear under your breath.

15. Teenagers need constant reminders that mayonnaise and/or cream cheese packets should not come within 5 feet of the closet.

16. Teenagers will leave cash and/or I-Pods in the pockets of their uniforms, and will sincerely believe you when you say you have confiscated the cash and/or I-Pods for your own use.

17. Never ever call a student by a family nickname.

18. The Albemarle High School Marching Patriots of 2013 worked hard, played hard, and deserve all the accolades they earned, such as this weekend’s superior rating in all categories! Congratulations to all!

Throwback to November 5, 2013

The BAD:

1. All the Christmas food was on prominent display.

2. One wheel of my weighed-down cart had a mind of its own.

3. The deli was out of hard salami.

4.The bagger left my lane just as I put over $200 of groceries on the belt.

The GOOD:

1. All the Christmas food was on prominent display.

2. I received an aerobic work-out while I struggled with the stubborn cart.

3. The lovely young lady behind the deli counter asked me twice if I wanted a sample.

4. After listening to out-loud complaining about Kroger management needing to hire more baggers, my cashier went up to the customer service desk and found another bagger for me.

Throwback to November 2, 2012

1. Re-attaching popped buttons.

2. Ironing-on patches to the inside of pant cuffs so that the perforations won’t show.

3. Explaining to several marchers per week that the broken zippers on the sides of the pants really don’t matter, as long as the suspenders don’t break.

4. Praying that the suspenders don’t break.

5. Re-assuring marchers that we really did send the uniforms to the dry cleaners, and that the yellowed spots are there because of age, not sweat.

6. Convincing marchers that the cracks in their hats really aren’t visible from far away, and that these cracks should be viewed as much-desired ventilation.