Throwback to February 26, 2016

1. Purchased more milk and his favorite organic tortilla chips.

2. Reserved tickets for Star Wars since Husband has been waiting oh-so-patiently to finally see the movie with another male who can appreciate the glory of things that fly and shoot at the same time.

3. Fluffed the cushions on Boy’s favorite seat in the kitchen.

4. Hid the house key outside since he will likely beat us home tonight.

5. Added an extra place mat on the table.

6. Dusted his room.

7. Put fresh sheets on his bed.

8. Wondered why several of his Christmas gifts were still in a stack on the bedroom floor.

9. Moved the boxed-up toilet out of Boy’s room and into the hallway. (Did I mention Husband was re-modeling the master bathroom?)

10. Realized in horror that the bathroom re-model is on hold until Boy returns to school and stops distracting Husband.

11. Re-arranged all my girlie-items off to one side since I need to share Boy’s bathroom.

12. Had a few squares of chocolate to numb the disappointment of having none of the offspring’s spring breaks coincide.

Throwback to February 17, 2016

1. “Expecting to have sex on Valentine’s Day is so cliché.”

2. “Jesus is white!”

3. “Women don’t do messy murders. They don’t want to deal with blood and all.”

Throwback to February 12, 2016

1. “You may be the youngest person here.”

2. “We are definitely not the oldest people here.”

3. “This candied bacon is delicious.”

4. “I am here with my two best Sweeties.”

5. “Woo, Dad is at a bar with two hot girls.”

6. “Do you suppose our dancing is embarrassing our daughter?”

7. “I just Snapchat my brothers to tell them I am at a concert with our parents.”

8. “Do either of you ladies want a sip of my bourbon?”

9. “Do either of you ladies want a sip of my beer?”

10. “I think you should be the driver for the trip home, Mom.”

11. “Late? I will be back at my apartment in 5 minutes and I don’t have to be at my internship until 9:30 AM.”

12. “Ugh, we still have an hour-long drive, so I guess that means 5 hours of sleep for me.”

13. “I took tomorrow off, so I get to sleep in.”

14. “You just can’t beat the energy of live music!”

15. “Thank you for tonight. It was very fun.”

Throwback to February 2, 2015

1. Storage for those Christmas decorations that I can’t find a good home for just yet.

2. Hiding place for birthday gifts.

3. Temporary location of all the income tax papers.

4. Temporary location of Youngest Child’s box of glossy college catalogs.

5. Temporary location of FAFSA papers that will hopefully turn those income tax papers into a plan for paying for one of those glossy colleges.

6. A cozy place to sleep when congested Husband becomes a snoring machine.

Throwback to February 10, 2014

1. One of those tee-shirts that proclaim, “London Paris Rome Charlottesville.”

2. An official 2013 Monticello Limited Edition Christmas ornament, off the clearance table.

3. A rolled up scroll of the Declaration of Independence.

4. One of those over-sized replicas of a nickel.

5. A Thomas Jefferson bobble-head doll for his desk in the Oval Office.

Throwback to February 10, 2014

1. The ultimate destination will be Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello.

2. Roads between the airport and Monticello will be closed for 4 hours, so traffic will be a mess.

3. Schools will dismiss 2 hours early.

4. The local media will go crazy with excitement.

5. All local law enforcement agencies will be working over-time.

6. Neighbors will post photos of Air Force One flying overhead.

7. People will complain.

8. Some of us will be delighted.

Throwback to February 20, 2013

1. Stop whining about needing eyeglasses to drive, because when you’re 50 you will need eyeglasses for everything and you will hate trying to get used to bifocals which make you feel drunk and dizzy.

2. Stop whining about filling out your income taxes, that ridiculously simple 1040 EZ, because when you’re 50 your tax return will be at least 12 pages long plus you’ll have to do FAFSAs for your offspring.

3. Stop whining about being fat and not being able to eat anything, because you can still shop in the juniors section and when you’re 50 those clothes will not fit you and your children will be embarrassed if you don’t “dress your age” and you do wear green nail polish in public.

Throwback to February 22, 2014

BAD:

1. He eats a disproportionate share of the appetizer.

2. I am ignored because Child and Husband are too busy talking about cars, basketball, and science.

3. I have to sit in the back seat on the drive home.

GOOD:

1. He eats a disproportionate share of the appetizer.

2. He bonds with his father via animated conversation.

3. Husband and I can each enjoy a generous-sized margarita, since Youngest Child becomes the designated driver.

Throwback to February 6-7, 2014

1. That McDonald’s commercial that shows the athletes biting their gold medals and then people biting their McNuggets. Both are probably just as harmful to ingest.

2. One of tonight’s snowboarding reporters used the word “podium” as verb, as in “hoping to podium.”

3. Bob Costas.

4. Those Ralph Lauren sweaters are ugly, and do they really need to say “Polo” on the lapel? Wait, sweaters have lapels?

Throwback to February 5, 2015

1. Just wait until those awful gray hairs start arriving.

2. Just wait until you need to pay big bucks to get that color from a bottle.

3. Just wait until no amount of conditioner will ever again make your wiry, old hair flow.

4. I once had your hair. Look at me now, and shut up about your bad hair day.