Throwback to May 15, 2015

1. I could bribe each of his teachers to flunk him. Cash, food, potent potables–all would probably work.

2. I could write him his first-ever Disciplinary Report. It would have to be a doozy, though, to ensure weeks of In School Suspension.

3. I could convince the school’s morning news crew to film me singing something super-sentimental, like the opening lines of “Sunrise, Sunset.”

4. I could wear a sign on my front that says, “Ask Me About My Awesome Senior.”

5. I could wear a sign on my back that says, “Don’t Kick Me, Because I Am Feeling Down Enough Already.”

6. I could think of ruses to get him to come to every one of my classes, so I could hug him in front of my students. And maybe even kiss him very loudly. On both cheeks.

7. I could ask the School Resource Officer to arrest him, since he is 18, on charges of Breaking (his mommy’s heart) and Entering (his mommy’s every thought today).