- Backpacks on the front of the body. The backpack, by definition, is worn on the back of the body. Is wearing it in the front more comfortable? More stylish? More secure? Surely this cannot be good for anyone’s posture or health.
- Belly-button bling. Alas, still a thing.
- Socks and flip-flops worn together. Socks keep feet warm and dry, but flip-flops keep the feet cool and can even be worn in water, ostensibly. So we are at cross-purposes here, right?
- Knit caps, hoodies, and shorts, all worn concurrently. So, these kids are preventing heat from escaping from the tops of their bodies, but not from the bottom halves. This is not logical. And before you, dear reader, think, “Oh, maybe these students are layering their clothes for those cool spring mornings,” let me stop you. They are not. Those caps and hoodies stay on all day.
- Long-sleeved, high neck, midriff-exposing tops. Yes, Ladies, show off those flat stomachs while you have them, but why aren’t you also showing off your toned arms, or your lovely, non-crepey necks?
- Tube tops. I don’t want to be accused of shaming anyone’s body, but let’s think about comfort and support. Some of the better-endowed girls are sagging and then yanking at the edges of the tube tops. This is annoying to the rest of us.
- Micro-shorts. These will undoubtedly ride up butt-cheeks and yanking may also occur. It’s not a pretty sight when you are walking behind the students in the long hallways.
- Fleece-blankets worn as capes. Is this for warmth or for attention? Are they going for a superhero vibe here, or simply being a Linus?
- Starbucks iced coffees, clutched in hand as an accessory. I would mind this less if the students weren’t tardy to class since the line at the drive-thru was so long.
- Sequined tops and/or shiny metallic dress shoes. Granted, the lanyard I wear daily is glittery, but I am almost four times older than these kiddos, so I have the poise and confidence to carry off this look. I do, I really think I do.
- Flesh-colored leggings with short tank tops. No, please, no.
Monica Lists 