Throwback to November 23, 2015

1. Since he won’t be around to make the green bean casserole, the duty falls to College Girl, who needs to learn this valuable life skill.

2. It’s easier to cut the pies into equal pieces when there are 4 of us eating the pies, versus 5.

3. More beer to go around.

4. One fewer person to gang up on College Boy, the tormented “little” brother.

5. One fewer set of sheets and towels for me to wash once the weekend is over.

6. The family is less likely to burst into the giggles while at church.

7. Fewer snide comments during the Macy’s Parade broadcast.

8. More elbow room at the breakfast table.

9. No opportunities to take embarrassing family photos to use in the upcoming Christmas card.

10. His girlfriend obviously finds him acceptable enough to bring home to her family.

Throwback to November 24, 2014

1. At least 2 of our guests are lactose-intolerant.

2. At least 2 of our guests have a gluten sensitivity.

3. At least 2 of our guests are vegetarian, and one is vegan.

4. Yes, that means that there will be enough meat for all, especially since there will be both ham and turkey.

5. I am definitely making homemade cranberry sauce, and I am using Aunt Emma’s recipe, even though you (Mother) always said the canned stuff was better.

6. Two of our guests are bringing guests whose parents live in foreign countries, and we are perfectly fine with that.

7. No, I am not making all the food alone. My guests are considerate enough to pitch in and bring their specialties.

8. Grad School Man is bringing his girlfriend because it’s more practical, and not because she hates her family.

9. The turkey is already thawing in the refrigerator because it is way safer than thawing it on the counter, like you always did.

10. College Girl is bringing the “British Bad Boy” that she met in London and yes, she has explained the American holiday of Thanksgiving to him, and no, we will not make the day awkward for him. Well, not too much.

Throwback to November 12, 2015

1. “He/she is such a simpleton.”

2. “Finally!”

3. “Too spicy!”

4. “What a lovely Polish surname!”

5. “Did you have enough food for your guests?” and/or “Did you serve 3 meats?”

6. “Is (grandchild’s name)’s boyfriend/girlfriend a Catholic?”

7. “I only say what is the truth.”

8. “How does my hair look?”

9. “What have you done with your hair? It’s too blonde/brown/gray/long/short/curly/straight/messy.”

P.S. Love you, Mama.

Throwback to November 7, 2014

1. If you are early, you are on time. If you are on time, you are late. If you are late, it’s unacceptable.

2. Always recruit helpers whose company you enjoy and who do not mind if you drop an occasional swear word. (Thank you, Susan, Lore, Liz, Lee-Lee, and Carrie.)

3. Buy many pairs of black socks from the Dollar Store and keep them handy, because there is always that one kid who chronically forgets socks, and it could very well be your kid. (Isn’t that right, Youngest Child?)

4. There will always be that one marcher, that one kid, that one with the attitude, that one who complains about itchy suspenders or an uncooperative zipper or a broken shoelace. Eventually, that kid graduates, and another whiner takes his place.

5. Musical instruments can be fixed with supplies from Lowe’s, especially if you are Donna R.

6. Craig J. writes some wicked drill.

7. Director Greg T. is a god, or at least a super-hero.

8. When your mellophone kid is playing a duet, you hold your breath and clench your fists until he is done, then you sigh and grin.

9. When your baritone kid is playing a duet, you hold your breath and clench your fists until she is done, then you sigh and grin.

10. When your youngest chooses to join the percussion section, you release a breath and unclench your fists, because there will never be a percussion duet.

11. The percussion section members believe that they are not really members of the band. They believe themselves to be special, and the rest of the band just humors them.

12. Even teenagers can be taught how to fold pants on the crease and how to hang jackets properly.

13. Be careful what you wish for, because after years of pining for new uniforms, you finally get them, and you get a whole new set of problems.

14. A good “horn angle” means you will never get a decent photo of your child’s face.

15. Baby wipes are the best for cleaning stains on uniforms.

16. Marching band students are hard-working, respectful, and just generally awesome.

17. Writing about the lessons learned in marching band–like self-discipline,cooperation, and losing with grace–makes for a helluva college application essay. And for a helluva legacy to take with you throughout adulthood.

Throwback to November 13-December 12, 2011

1. Think in relative terms. Sure, you may not be thrilled with the newly-pierced tragus, but at least a tattoo was postponed. For now.

2. Say a prayer of thanksgiving for all the teachers who have agreed to write letters of recommendation. Better yet, say several prayers, because these dear people are over-worked and under-paid, yet remain so supportive of our kids.

3. Buy new file folders. Start organizing FAFSA documentation now, since it’s due January 1 for some schools, and you don’t want these papers to get lost among the holiday bills.

4. Be grateful you kept old folders, because at least one school wants to know the date we registered to vote in Virginia. Really? And the exact date we moved into our house. And the date we registered our vehicles.

5. When she asks for a hug, just give it; don’t question the reason, just do it.

6. Appreciate the irony of life. So today you screeched at her a bit about her (admitted) lapse of judgment. Then 15 minutes later you open the mail to see that she’s been invited to join the National Beta Club because of her “academic achievement, worthy character, and commendable character.” Hmph!

7. Remind her occasionally that lapses of judgment could result in loss of car, gas money, and cell phone. Remind her that you pay for life as she knows it.

 8. Allow her to have a “campus weekend” preview when College Boy’s sweet female friends invite her to spend Friday night/Saturday with them. Marvel at the fact that College Boy no longer minds that his little sister is “tagging along.”

9. Pat yourself on the back for not asking (prior to her road trip to see her brother) if she remembered to pack everything, if she had money in her wallet, and if she had enough gas in the car. And upon her return, wait for her to volunteer details, even if you’re dying to know gossip about College Boy.

10. Don’t volunteer too much information about what you did at 18. For example, when she reports that a campus party she visited was serving mulled wine, don’t look at Husband and gush, “Whatever happened to the jello shots and 151 we used to drink?” Oh, I did say that out loud, didn’t I?

11. So when she gets really excited about a private university that has accepted her, take a deep breath before you look at the tuition. Remind yourself that you encouraged College Boy to go to a private school. And that your parents encouraged you to go to a private school. And somehow, the family did not have to resort to ramen noodles for each meal.

12. Remind yourself, as you help Daughter with math homework that involved derivatives and radicals and quadratic equations, that all this mental activity is helping your middle-aged brain to stay healthy.

Throwback to November 3, 2013

1. Super-long-awaited new uniforms are pretty.

2. Super-long-awaited new uniforms require some hemming after all, since teenagers grow–up and out– quite quickly.

3. Super-long-awaited new uniforms will bring unique, unexpected problems, so be careful what you wish for.

4. Spraying Scotchguard on 66 uniforms puts cramps in your hand. And gives you a headache.

5. Creating a new part of the routine, such as “Question of the Week,” will create ripples of unease among the students.

6. However, by week 8, students will remind you that you forgot to ask them the “Question of the Week.”

7. Many teenagers cannot name a state capital other than their own.

8. Many teenagers cannot name an adverb.

9. Many teenagers are gloriously inventive when asked to describe marching band using a simile or metaphor. (“Marching band is like a tattoo. It fades over time but always stays with you.”)

10. Saxophone straps leave unsightly black smudges.

11. Mysterious stains in colors such as sky-blue and pink come out when you rub hard enough with a baby wipe.

12. The cheap baby wipes work better than the thick, expensive kind.

13. Co-workers in the closet will support you as you laugh and cry. (You know who you are, Susan, Lore, and Lee-Lee.)

14. Co-workers in the closet will not be scandalized when you swear under your breath.

15. Teenagers need constant reminders that mayonnaise and/or cream cheese packets should not come within 5 feet of the closet.

16. Teenagers will leave cash and/or I-Pods in the pockets of their uniforms, and will sincerely believe you when you say you have confiscated the cash and/or I-Pods for your own use.

17. Never ever call a student by a family nickname.

18. The Albemarle High School Marching Patriots of 2013 worked hard, played hard, and deserve all the accolades they earned, such as this weekend’s superior rating in all categories! Congratulations to all!

Throwback to November 5, 2013

The BAD:

1. All the Christmas food was on prominent display.

2. One wheel of my weighed-down cart had a mind of its own.

3. The deli was out of hard salami.

4.The bagger left my lane just as I put over $200 of groceries on the belt.

The GOOD:

1. All the Christmas food was on prominent display.

2. I received an aerobic work-out while I struggled with the stubborn cart.

3. The lovely young lady behind the deli counter asked me twice if I wanted a sample.

4. After listening to out-loud complaining about Kroger management needing to hire more baggers, my cashier went up to the customer service desk and found another bagger for me.

Throwback to November 2, 2012

1. Re-attaching popped buttons.

2. Ironing-on patches to the inside of pant cuffs so that the perforations won’t show.

3. Explaining to several marchers per week that the broken zippers on the sides of the pants really don’t matter, as long as the suspenders don’t break.

4. Praying that the suspenders don’t break.

5. Re-assuring marchers that we really did send the uniforms to the dry cleaners, and that the yellowed spots are there because of age, not sweat.

6. Convincing marchers that the cracks in their hats really aren’t visible from far away, and that these cracks should be viewed as much-desired ventilation.

Throwback to November 19-20, 2012

1. Once a book is removed from the shelf, no child is capable of re-shelving the book back into the correct place.

2. Incorrectly re-shelved books drive me crazy until I put them in the proper place.

3. Levar Burton was adorable back in the Reading Rainbow days.

4. Every day, at least one student asks me where the shark books are located.

5. The phrase “graphic novel” no longer means a torrid Harlequin romance.

6. The word “butt” always makes them giggle.

7. The comfort level of a beanbag chair is inversely proportional to one’s age and weight.

Saturday, November 7, 2020

We have been patient, my fellow Biden/Harris supporters and I, and late this morning, trusted news sources finally called the race for the Democrats. I am relieved to hear these results, but still worried about our country. We have many challenges ahead of us.

But for today, I choose to celebrate the Blue victory. (I know many of you started toasting hours ago…) Whew!

Husband suggested I make a reference to the Pennsylvania Polka, since I was dancing around the house. “He started in Scranton, he’s now number one! <<clap clap clap clap>>” but credit goes to more people than the voters of Pennsylvania.

Thank you all for voting. We are flying our American flag in front of our home today in honor of democracy.

A toast to Joe Biden and Kamala Harris (a woman!! finally!) and may God speed.

Today’s drink is my version of a Bluebird cocktail.

In a shaker with several ice cubes, combine 2 ounces gin, 1 ounce triple sec, 1 ounce blue curacao, and 2 dashes grapefruit bitters. Shake well and strain into a glass, and add a not-so-red cherry as garnish.