Things That I Look Back On As My Favorite Cubs-Related Memories, The List/The Countdown:

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11. One of the drivers in our Catholic school carpool was Mr. Bill P.  He would pick us up in his roomy Buick every day after school.  Come spring, he would have the radio tuned to the Cubs on WGN.  I don’t think we kids talked at all on the ride home, because we all were listening to the game.

10.  When my beloved father-in-law, Adolph, died in 2010, his children chose to put his ashes in an urn emblazoned with the Cubs logo.  He was a life-long fan (see #2 below) and the Cubs would never win a World Series in his 84 1/2 years on this earth.  The urn, however, drew many sighs at his funeral, and the family felt, as we have always felt, the deep camaraderie that co-existed with the deep grief of every Cubs fan.

9. In the early 1990s, my in-laws asked me to accompany them to a Cubs game on a summer afternoon.  As the game progressed, the rain clouds started rolling in, and soon, a full-blown storm was threatening.  My mother-in-law was terrified of lightning, so we ran for cover under the bleachers.  As she shivered in my arms, my father-in-law scurried to get the car.  We were going to leave, because she was wet and frightened, even though the game was far from over.  Dad was very disappointed to be leaving, but Mom’s needs came first.  That day, they taught me a wonderful lesson about marriage.

8.  Our wedding color was royal blue.  Blue bridesmaid dresses, blue bowties, blue ribbons on the bouquets, etc.  Was the color chosen because it was also known as “Cubby blue”?  I’ll never tell.

7. Our relatives bought us Cubs sportswear for our first-born child. Shirts and onesies and socks and even bibs.  Not too many babies in Virginia were similarly attired.

6. Over the years, we have traveled to Nationals Park, home of the nearest major league team, to see the Cubs play.  There are always so many others on the subway wearing Cubs shirts–and we just smile and nod at each other.

5. Our oldest child chose the Cubs as the theme of the essay for his college applications.  He wrote about how being a Cubs fan taught him the virtues of determination, hard work, perseverance, and a positive attitude. These virtues shaped my boy into the fine man he is today, and I could not be more proud.

4.  Husband-to-be and I spent many a lovely summer weekend at his parents’ cottage on the shore of Saugany Lake, Indiana.  We would gather up towels, chips, beer, and a transistor radio, and climb abroad the paddle boat and float out to the middle of the lake.  It was very romantic: the water, the sun, the water lilies, and the voice of Harry Caray, announcing the Cubs games.

3. The first Cubs game I ever attended was in the summer of 1983, with my new boyfriend (yup, now Husband) and his best friend, John.  Husband does not remember who was playing against the Cubs, nor does he remember whether the Cubs won or lost, but he does remember that I was wearing a black mini-skirt and a Material Girl-type bow in my hair.  He’s a keeper.

2. In October 1945 (the last previous time the Cubs were in the World Series), my father-in-law-to-be was a 20 year old soldier in the US Army.  He had fought in Europe, and was crossing the Pacific Ocean in order to become part of the US occupying forces in Japan.  He listened to the World Series on the radio, and the Cubs broke his heart by losing by one run in game 7.  The Cubs were a disappointment year after year, but Dad–and the entire Greatest Generation– always remained our heroes.

1. Cubs win the World Series in game 7, November 2016.

 

Things That Are Said During “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!” That Could Also Have Been Said During the Presidential Debate, The List:

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1. I don’t mind your dishonesty half as much as I mind your opinion of me.

2. You must think I’m stupid.

3. This time you can trust me.

4. You must be crazy.When are you going to stop believing in something that isn’t true?

5. We’re obviously separated by denominational differences.

6. You make me the laughing stock of the neighborhood.

7. You better cut it out right now or I’ll pound you.

8. You’re wasting your time.

9. You say the cutest things.

10.  …making his yearly fool of himself. Boy, is he strange.

11. He’ll never learn.

12. Are you sure it’s legal?

13. Oh, good grief.

14. Now I’ve heard everything.

15. You’ll be sorry.

16. That’s a good story.

17. I thought little girls always believed everything that was told to them. I thought little girls were innocent and trusting.

18. We can’t waste all night.

19. If you try to hold my hand, I’ll slug you.

20. You can look all around and there’s not a sign of hypocrisy. Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see.

21. You think you’re so smart.

22. He’ll be here. You can bet on that.

23. I have my reputation to think of, you know.

24. I was robbed!

25. You blockhead.

26. And it was all your fault.  I’ll sue! What a fool I was!

27. You owe me restitution!

28. You heard about fury and a woman scorned, haven’t you?

29. It won’t be long now.

30. I’m doomed.

31. I’ve done a lot of stupid things in my life, too.

32. Stupid?  What do you mean, stupid?

 

 

 

 

 

Things That Gainfully-Employed Son is Experiencing at a Google Conference Which Probably Remind Him of Being Home with Mom, The List:

14495256_2883260211625_1386900498837704943_n1. Google provided very detailed directions about how to get there, because of concern for Son’s safety.

2. There is always a Welcoming Session.

2. Google is feeding him three square meals a day, and they are known for the high quality of their food.

3. Google is also providing healthy snacks, because all these young people need to grow up strong and fit.

4. Since the conference (Geo for Good Summit) caters to people working for non-profits and for educational institutions, he was likely surrounded by people who advocate for social justice.

5.  They will probably ask him extensive questions about his job.

6. Field trip?  Of course!  Google paid for it, and planned it, and executed it, and Son was simply along for the ride. (In this case, a field trip to San Francisco.)

7. Son’s suitcase, upon departure, will undoubtedly be fuller, since Google is providing several take-home gifts and souvenirs.

 

Things I’m Learning As I Spend 8 Hours a Day Hanging Out at an Assisted Living Facility, The List:

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Written in June-July 2011.

1. Television sets have 2 settings, “off” and “full blast.”

2. Poise pads come in a variety of thicknesses.

3. Staff members are undoubtedly underpaid.

4. Accessible showers leave puddles all over the bathroom floor.

5. Seventy-eight degrees is an acceptable room temperature. Even warmer is better.

6. The stereo in the lobby should not play “Don’t Get Around Much Anymore,” even if it is an old standard.

7. If you let Mom pick the lunch location, she will pick the Chinese buffet, although you were just there two days ago.

8. Next time rent a sedan. Getting Mom in and out of sister’s Hummer is difficult and undignified.

9. Even though Mom has not had a valid driver’s license for 6-7 years now, she is still a skilled backseat-driver.

10. Dollar GENERAL and Dollar TREE are two unique shopping experiences and are not interchangeable.

11.It is acceptable to walk out of a restaurant once you realize it does not serve breakfast around the clock. Plus it was too dark in there, anyway.

12. A nap in the afternoon is beneficial for all ages.

13. No matter how tired you are, you are never too tired to stop and buy a lottery ticket.

14.Red jello snack packs go in the cupboard, not the mini-fridge, because jello is best at room temperature.

15. Even a man in his 80s will do that sneaky guy thing and look at a woman from toe to head to toe.

16. When the nurses tell you your mom is a sweet lady, just smile. A closed-lipped smile, so they can’t see your clenched teeth.

17. Do not listen to the Broadway Channel on the car radio–you will hear “Sunrise, Sunset” and “Circle of Life” and will get teary and be unable to drive safely.

18. When a man wearing only Depends and a tee comes to stand by you as you work on a puzzle, simply answer him politely, pray a nurse finds him soon, and absolutely do not look directly at any part of him.

19. Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

Things That May Or May Not Be The Names Of Clubs At The High School, The List:

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  1. Prom Committee

  2. Prim and Proper Committee

  3. Fellowship of Christian Athletes

  4. Fellowship of Pagan Couch Potatoes

  5. Academic Team

  6. Apoplectic Team

  7. Queer and Ally Club

  8. Young-People-Who-Are-Non-Judgmental-And-Accepting-Of-All Club

  9. Farm Club

  10. Be Careful Where You Step Club

  11. Young Republicans and Conservatives Club

  12. Future Survivors of the Trump Era Club

  13. Key Club

  14. Brie Club

  15. Latinos Unidos

  16. Bambinos in Speedos

  17. Habitat for Humanity Club

  18. A Respite from the Insanity Club

  19. I-Joined-This-Club-Because-It’s-Going-To-Look-Good-On-My-College-Application Club

  20. Students United to Promote Teacher Appreciation Club

Things I Wish I Could Say To The People Who Are Interviewing My Children For Full-time Jobs, The List:

  1. “Even if I weren’t her mommy, I would vouch for my princess’s  character.”
  2. “He is my favorite child for a reason, and I think he could soon become your favorite employee.”
  3. “My Husband and I invested about $100,000 on her education, so she probably has picked up some marketable skills along the way, wouldn’t you think?”
  4. “Please try to remember what you felt like when you were fresh out of grad school and looking for a job.  Be kind and gentle.”
  5. “She is extremely well-organized.  Why, I remember how she would line up her horse figurines so neatly on her bedroom shelf…”
  6. “He is extremely loyal.  Why, I remember when his baby brother swung a toy light saber at him and chipped his front tooth. Even that did not stop this young man from always protecting his baby brother.”
  7. “I really want her to fully move out because I need her bedroom for my new home gym.  You wouldn’t want my impending potential cardiac issues on your conscience now, would you?”
  8. “He will always show up to work neatly dressed.  I taught him how to fold his laundry, plus when he left for college I bought him an iron and an ironing board, which I am pretty sure he has used at least twice a year since then.”
  9. “If you have doubts about her talent, I can show you years’ worth of art work that I have framed and hanging in my hallway, not to mention the stuff hanging on the refrigerator.”
  10. “My boy is such a hard worker. And a self-starter.  And so dedicated. He never needed to be reminded to take out the trash, and oh, he did a great job setting up our compost container and our recycling bins.”
  11. “Just look at that adorable face!”

 

 

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Things That This Weekend’s Two Biggest Pests–The Ants in My Dishwasher and The Scam Artists Who Claimed To Be Phoning From Microsoft –Have In Common, The List:

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  1. Both wanted free access to a device I depend upon daily.

  2. Both were bothering me with multiple encounters.

  3. Both were tenacious as hell.

  4. Both were pissing me off.

  5. Neither ones were native speakers of English.

  6. Neither ones were phased by my yelling at them in Polish.

  7. The scammers wanted to fix my laptop’s bugs, and ants ARE bugs.

  8. Both thought I was stupid enough to let them take advantage of me.

  9. I want all of them to meet a slow, painful end…but the ants were the only ones I could poison.

  10. I want to squash all of them dead.

Things That Indicate That Fall Is Just Around The Corner, The List:

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  1. The Labor Day weekend went by in a blur.

  2. I have put away my white shoes until next Easter.

  3. I have grown weary of my brightly-colored summer wardrobe.

  4. My students are finally settling in to a routine.

  5. Every morning, the front yard is filled with icky, sticky spider webs.

  6. My weekly produce delivery now contains squash.

  7. My husband has begun to complain about squash at every supper.

  8. Sam’s Club has run out of cases of Sam Adam’s Summer Ale…..but has plenty of cases of Octoberfest beer, which helps the squash casserole go down easier.

  9. The charges for College Boy’s textbooks have appeared on my credit card statement.

  10. I have begun my Christmas shopping.

  11. I am debating whether it’s too early to put out the Halloween decorations.

  12. Pumpkin spice is back!  Pumpkin spice coffee, pumpkin spice ice cream, pumpkin spice cider, pumpkin spice yogurt, pumpkin spice cookies, pumpkin spice donuts, pumpkin spice granola…you get the picture.

  13. It’s marching band season!

Things Said By Me To My Students At The High School That I Am One-Hundred-Percent Certain No Teacher Ever Said To Me, The List:

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1. “Yes, you may go to fill up your water bottle.”

2. “Please stop using the F-word.”

3. “We are having a lockdown drill this morning.  Please take this seriously. Here is our classroom procedure…”

4. “You can plug your laptop into the power strip at the back of the room.”

5. “Please turn down the volume of your music.  Yes, I know you are using ear buds, but I can still hear it.”

6. “I am waiting for YouTube to load so I can play the morning announcements for you.”

7. “The principal just tweeted out a great message.”

8. “Put your phone in the silent mode, please.”

9. “Can you email your math teacher to see if he has an extra book for you?”

10. “I don’t mind if you take a power nap in study hall but please don’t snore.”

11. “Is that a fresh tattoo?”

12. “It doesn’t matter if you are 18–you still have to follow the attendance rules.”

13. “The bottle of hand sanitizer is on the desk.”

14. “I like your nose ring. My daughter wears a silver one like that, too.”

 

 

 

 

Things Said To Me By My 90 Year Old Mother During My Five Day Visit To The Nursing Home, The List:

1.  “Your blouse is so colorful.  How do you always manage to find such loud clothing?”

2. “Let me see that picture of us again.  I look alright for 90, don’t I?”

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3. “Our activity director is too talkative and just too friendly.”

4. “I was so surprised to see my grandson walking in to our dining hall with you, and the flowers he was bringing me were lovely, but you all made a scene.”

5. (While watching summer Olympics.) “Those women beach volleyball players are wearing practically nothing.  They ought to be ashamed of themselves.”

6. “You can see the butt cheeks of those gymnasts.”

7. “Why do they give medals to people riding on horses?  They just sit there!  It’s the horses that do all the work.”

8. “Oh, since you have your phone out, let me see that picture of us again.”

9. “See that woman with the walker?  The one with the black pants with the pink stripe?  Sometimes she wears animal print pants!  And look at her toenails!  They are orange!  It’s crazy! She is too old for orange toenails.”

10.  “Fruit fluff?  That’s dessert?  I don’t know what that is, but it looks like it has red jello in it.”

11. “Let me see your bracelet.  Is it real gold?  Fourteen karat? ”  (It is.) “Your husband wouldn’t spend that kind of money on you.”

12. “Why did you take me to Target?  I don’t like Target.  Your sister likes Target. I have never liked Target.  WalMart is better.  I like WalMart.  Target had no slippers in extra-wide, but WalMart did.  Don’t ever take me to Target again.”

13. “Can you afford to take me out to lunch again?”

14. “How much was my cup of coffee?” ($1.89 at the diner.) “Why are they charging so much for coffee?”

15. “Let me see that picture of me again.”