1. “Yes, you may go to fill up your water bottle.”

2. “Please stop using the F-word.”

3. “We are having a lockdown drill this morning.  Please take this seriously. Here is our classroom procedure…”

4. “You can plug your laptop into the power strip at the back of the room.”

5. “Please turn down the volume of your music.  Yes, I know you are using ear buds, but I can still hear it.”

6. “I am waiting for YouTube to load so I can play the morning announcements for you.”

7. “The principal just tweeted out a great message.”

8. “Put your phone in the silent mode, please.”

9. “Can you email your math teacher to see if he has an extra book for you?”

10. “I don’t mind if you take a power nap in study hall but please don’t snore.”

11. “Is that a fresh tattoo?”

12. “It doesn’t matter if you are 18–you still have to follow the attendance rules.”

13. “The bottle of hand sanitizer is on the desk.”

14. “I like your nose ring. My daughter wears a silver one like that, too.”

 

 

 

 

1.  “Your blouse is so colorful.  How do you always manage to find such loud clothing?”

2. “Let me see that picture of us again.  I look alright for 90, don’t I?”

3. “Our activity director is too talkative and just too friendly.”

4. “I was so surprised to see my grandson walking in to our dining hall with you, and the flowers he was bringing me were lovely, but you all made a scene.”

5. (While watching summer Olympics.) “Those women beach volleyball players are wearing practically nothing.  They ought to be ashamed of themselves.”

6. “You can see the butt cheeks of those gymnasts.”

7. “Why do they give medals to people riding on horses?  They just sit there!  It’s the horses that do all the work.”

8. “Oh, since you have your phone out, let me see that picture of us again.”

9. “See that woman with the walker?  The one with the black pants with the pink stripe?  Sometimes she wears animal print pants!  And look at her toenails!  They are orange!  It’s crazy! She is too old for orange toenails.”

10.  “Fruit fluff?  That’s dessert?  I don’t know what that is, but it looks like it has red jello in it.”

11. “Let me see your bracelet.  Is it real gold?  Fourteen karat? ”  (It is.) “Your husband wouldn’t spend that kind of money on you.”

12. “Why did you take me to Target?  I don’t like Target.  Your sister likes Target. I have never liked Target.  WalMart is better.  I like WalMart.  Target had no slippers in extra-wide, but WalMart did.  Don’t ever take me to Target again.”

13. “Can you afford to take me out to lunch again?”

14. “How much was my cup of coffee?” ($1.89 at the diner.) “Why are they charging so much for coffee?”

15. “Let me see that picture of me again.”

 

 

 

1. We didn’t have to break the bank by buying all those “starter” supplies for his dorm room. (Only new purchases: a floor lamp and a vacuum cleaner.  I suspect the former will be used more often than the latter.)

2. Boy didn’t flunk out his freshman year, so chances are good that he won’t flunk out his sophomore year.

3. Assuming number 2 holds true, we have only 3, not 4, years’ worth of tuition and room and board left to pay!

4. We know now that the water bill is 50 percent lower when he is gone.

5. We know now that the grocery bill is 50 percent lower when he is gone.

6. We know now that the noise level is 50 percent lower when he is gone.

7. We don’t have to have that awkward “Say No To Drugs/Practice Safe Sex” talk again.

8. He has proven that he can make new friends, so I know he won’t be sad and lonely.

9. Husband and I discovered that the Empty Nest is not so bad after all.  I know we won’t be sad and lonely.

 ̶1̶0̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶n̶a̶g̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶r̶t̶ ̶p̶a̶c̶k̶i̶n̶g̶.̶

 

 

In honor of today’s start of the Olympics in Brazil.  

Perhaps number 18 should be “mosquito swatting”?!

Flashback to dinner table conversation, July 29, 2012. The family agreed that badminton and table tennis were too silly to be Olympic events.

And this is the most “sporty” and “Brazil-like” photo I could find. (It’s Florida.)  (And all of us did go kayaking.)

1. Paintball

2. Hopscotch

3. Competitive eating

4. Croquet

5. Hang-gliding

6. Poker

7. Dueling with wax bullets

8. Soapbox derby

9. Water-balloon toss

10. Three-legged race

11. Wheelbarrow race

12. Watermelon seed spitting

13. Bocce

14. Cornhole

15. Skeeball

16. Skateboarding

17. Four-square

1. Her cozy bedroom is a calm respite from the cold, cruel world.

2. Her mom always supplies fresh linens and towels, just like a hotel.

3. Her mom will make fresh coffee in the morning, just like a hotel.

4. The WiFi is free, just like a hotel.

5. All the meals are cooked by someone else.

6. All the meals are free.

7. All the cocktails are free.

8. Visits to breweries and wineries are a strong possibility.  And it will be free, since her mom will pay.

9. Her mom is cleaning out closets and the basement, and certain childhood items have to be saved from the Goodwill pile. (Or the trash.)

10. Her loving and nurturing mom misses her terribly, so visiting her mom is the least she can do, while she still can.

1. We were both born and raised outside Chicago, and each of our families rooted for the Cubs. (This goes a long way in explaining our hopeful attitudes about life.)

2. We both became proponents of social justice issues at a very young age.

3. We both rocked that headband look in the 1980s.

4.  We both clung tenaciously to our birth names. (OK, OK, so maybe I would have switched to my husband’s surname, too, if he ever had run for governor.  Or President. Maybe.)

5. We both insisted on lining the drawers in our kids’ college rooms. (You may call it “micro-managing”, but I call it “motherly concern” –have you seen the size of those dormitory dust bunnies?!)

6. We have both been called “bitch” throughout our lives, and I suspect our daughters have been as well.

7.  We both rejoice at each and every shattering of a glass ceiling, because we do have daughters–strong and capable daughters.

8. We both have been teased about “wearing the pants in the family”, (see number 6) although I haven’t owned a pant suit for at least two decades.

9. Both of us are married to men who have shown a weakness for women named “Monica.”

• 

1. The anniversary of my marriage.

2. All-clear mammogram and colonoscopy results.

3. Oldest child’s graduation from college.

4. Middle child’s graduation from college.

5. Youngest Child’s departure for college.

6. Finding a hair color that covers the gray.

7. The loss of 10 pounds and the gain of the realization that I am never again going to be thin but I can deal with that.

8. The purchase of a brand-new, shiny and slightly frivolous sports car that makes me feel so giggly and girly when Husband drives me around town.

9. The quality of my friendships, both in town and on social media, versus the quantity.

10.  Living long enough to finally see Peace on Earth and Goodwill To Men And Women.