Sunday, March 15, 2020

Blue Bee Cider Hopsap Shandy with a splash of grenadine.   I filled a tall flute with the cider and drizzled several drops of grenadine into it.  I was hoping the grenadine would float to the bottom and make a pretty progression of colors, but the fizzy cider wasn’t cooperating, and the colors blended too quickly.  Since my daughter works for Blue Bee Cider in Richmond, Virginia, I always have a few bottles on hand.  The Hopsap Shandy is dry, and no, the hops do not make it taste like beer.

Since today is the Ides of March (Beware!  Will CoVid bring our doom?), I made this drink in honor of Caesar.  The orange do-hickey on top is the closest thing to a dagger I could find in the house.  Do you like the little drops of grenadine that (may) look like blood?

Saturday, March 14, 2020

Swedish glog with Polish vodka.  About 1 ounce vodka to 2 ounces of glog, and garnished with an orange slice.  Only Polish-made vodka is allowed to enter our house.  The glog is left over from a bottle I purchased at IKEA, so that was super-convenient.  I shook this over ice cubes and strained it, because I wanted it cold but not watered down.

Yes, alcohol will be serving as a physical balm for me in the weeks ahead.  And since both Poland and Sweden border the Baltic, I had to name this the Baltic Balm.

Friday, March 13, 2020

Coffee liqueur and unsweetened almond milk as an after-dinner drink.   One to one ratio, over ice if you like it colder.  I have become intolerant of the lactose in milk, so unsweetened almond milk is my chosen substitute.  We purchased this coffee liqueur on our “Bourbon Trail” jaunt through central Kentucky.

And yes, I feel our national leaders are not understanding the magnitude of this pandemic, and that they are trying to reassure us–and the business world–with their SILKY LIES.

And it has not escaped my notice that today is Friday the Thirteenth.  So fitting.

1.  I have not seen the movie.
2. I have not read the book, either.
3. My mother easily gets jealous if I stop paying attention to her, so I try to not engage her roommate in extended conversation.
4. I don’t want to discuss anything even remotely related to sex while my mom is in the same room.   I have been married for 30-plus years, and I am still waiting for the “birds and bees” talk, for that matter.
5. Roommate had already informed me, earlier in the day,  that “Michael Buble is hot.”  While I do heartily agree (sigh…), I suspect 80-plus year old Roommate has few filters and I am too scared to test her limits.
6. And even earlier in the day, Mother was completing a word search puzzle with a “construction” theme, and she asked me–in Polish– what the English word “erection” meant.  I needed a deep breath before I answered, so Mother asked again, even more loudly. (“Co to znaczy, erection? Nie znam te słowo, erection.”)  I finally explained what the word meant from a construction point of view, but I couldn’t help but wonder if the nursing staff overheard.  Not risking further mortification!  What must they think of us!
7. Since Mother is hard of hearing, she often asks for me to repeat back to her–in Polish–what people are saying.  I would have to translate, therefore, all our possible discussion about Mr. Grey’s behavior. I do not know the Polish words for “bondage” and “submission” and such–but what if I discovered that Mother did know the terms?  Could. Not. Handle. That.
8. It was late in the afternoon, and I had not started drinking.  Yet.

2015 vs 2019

 

1. We will be in a hotel room while he dresses for the ceremony, so I will not be able to select his clothes and iron his gown. (“Take the gown out of the package and hang it near the shower to get the wrinkles out.”)
2. I will be able to blame my tears on the pollen and the pollen alone, since the ceremony is scheduled to be outdoors.
3. I am not going to worry about finding $100,000 or so to finance his university education. (“All that tuition money, and they still want a hundred bucks for a polyester gown?”)
4. I am not going to worry about whether he will succeed in college without his mom’s daily presence.  (“Did you or did you not remember to hang up the gown?”)
5. I am not going to worry about whether he will fit in, or will make friends, or will find activities and classes that speak to his passions.
6. I am going to worry about his next stage of life, once his summer commitments are over, and about just how far away from home he will be.
7. I won’t be impatient with families who cheer loudly, because this time that family may be ours.  (“Wooooooo! That’s our son, the one in the wrinkled gown!”)
8. Son will be able to legally drink an alcoholic beverage (or two) as we toast his successes and chuckle about the times we doubted him.
9. Instead of asking my older children to offer the graduate some advice on college life, I will ask my older children to offer some advice on real life.
10. I will make the graduate pose for many photos in many campus locations, because by now he ought not to be embarrassed by his mom’s sentimental expectations.
11. I will have to retire my favorite expression, the one I have been using whenever Son exasperated me:  “Your life?  Honey, we pay for your life.”

 

1. “Stop cussing.  It’s impolite and inappropriate for school. I don’t care if everyone else is doing it.”

2. “Other modifiers besides the word ‘f***ing’ are available. Maybe if you paid attention in English class, you would learn about the beauty of our language and build a wide vocabulary.”

3. “And speaking of English class…two negatives make a positive.  ‘Anymore’ is the correct choice for this sentence, as in ‘No one likes to come to school anymore.'”

4. “Do you dislike school because of people like me who are always eager to correct your grammar?”

5. “Just deal with it, you entitled brat.  Do you think your generation is the first to dislike school? Disliking school is an age-old tradition.  That’s why truant officers were created.”

6. “Just deal with it, you spoiled brat.  Just wait until you are an adult with a demanding boss and a forty-plus hour work week and mouths at home to feed and bills to pay and so on. School is easy by comparison.”

7. “Maybe it’s your attitude.  Perhaps if you and your fellow students were more pleasant to each other and to your teachers, the mood in the classrooms would improve.  Send out some positive vibes for a change!”

8. “Spring break is almost here.  Be patient, Young One!”

1. The cocktail was invented in New Orleans.  We were at the source, so we visited fancy bars (like in the Roosevelt Hotel on Christmas Day) and drank fancy cocktails. You know, because we value history.
2. The party was invented in New Orleans, or so you can be led to believe.  We were at the source, so we visited a frozen “daiquiri” bar, which basically sells slushies mixed with alcohol.  Six bucks for 32 ounces.  You know, because we value a bargain.
3. We saw several examples of eye-catching apparel while walking through the French Quarter (beautiful drag queens, sequined and feathered Mardi Gras tunics, and even an “alien” in platform shoes), and everyone in the family was mature enough to not stop and gawk and point.
4. The cuisine is amazing in New Orleans.  We ate everything from gumbos to soul food to po’boys to oysters to Caribbean-inspired dishes (College Boy ate turtle soup–twice!), and everyone in the family was mature enough to not turn down anything presented on the plate.
5. While staying at a lovely shotgun-style rental home, Husband and I didn’t have to act parental and scold and safeguard all the original artwork and mercury glass on display.  Honestly, the kids admired it all, and probably picked up some interior decorating ideas.
6. While the family was enjoying the long series of Christmas Eve bonfires along the Mississippi River levee, Husband and I didn’t have to act parental and vigilant and caution the kids to stay back from the roaring flames.  In fact, we were glad the kids were bold enough to get close, because the photos they took are awesome.
7. While walking down Bourbon Street, Husband and I didn’t have to act parental and blush and stammer and explain any of the debauchery we saw and heard.  Face it, our kids have the internet, and they all know what strippers do.
8. Our kids might not have been affected by the phallic-shaped glasses wielded by tourists on Bourbon Street, but they sure did giggle at one of the stops on the St. Charles Streetcar Line–Peniston Street.
9. Not only were our kids old enough to be admitted to all the bars playing all the amazing music, they are also old enough to have jobs and therefore had the money to buy their parents a round or two.
10. Not only were our kids old enough enough to be admitted to all the bars playing all the amazing music, they were also old enough to appreciate jazz, from Dixieland to ragtime piano to hard-driving street-funk.
11. Not only were our kids old enough to be admitted to all the bars playing all the amazing music, they were also old enough to participate with us in a 90 minute mixology class at one of these bars on Frenchmen Street.  We learned how to make classic New Orleans cocktails, because we value education.  And cocktails.  We value cocktails.
12. No one fell asleep at Midnight Mass.
13. No one seemed embarrassed that Mom and Dad were dancing, or singing to the music, or taking photos of themselves wearing beads and shiny costumes at Mardi Gras World.
14. No one needed supervision in Marie Laveau’s House of Voodoo.
15. No one needed supervision anytime, really.  And I barely texted the kids during those few times they went exploring on their own.
16. Toward the end of our stay, while watching the local news, we took notice of a story about locally-made kombucha, valued for its restorative properties.  We groaned collectively, since we had been eating and drinking so much.  Then the news reporter ended the story by pointing out that kombucha can be delicious when mixed with alcohol and served as a cocktail.  Yup.  Only in New Orleans.
17.  Santa didn’t bring any presents, and no gifts were exchanged. No one pouted. Our gift to ourselves and to the kids was this family vacation,  the memories we made, and some great cocktail recipes.

1. I am using his pillow.

2. I am sitting in “his spot” on the couch.

3. I am not yet using his toothbrush although the thought did cross my mind.

4. I have grown to be very comfortable in the smack-dab middle of the bed.

5. I don’t care what pajamas I wear to sleep.

6. I have stopped watching the evening news, since I receive no satisfaction in yelling in anger and frustration when no one is there to nod his head in sympathy.

7. The default setting on my weather app is for Hong Kong.

8. I have stopped cooking meals.

9. The recycling bin in the kitchen hasn’t been emptied for 2 weeks.

10. I have consumed a disproportionate amount of chocolate.

11.  I have consumed zero cocktails, because really, what’s the fun in drinking alone?

12. I obsessively check my phone immediately upon awakening since Husband has (FINALLY!) learned to text me on a regular basis.

13. I go online way too frequently to check our credit card activity, mostly to see if he has purchased anything in a jewelry store.  (He has!) 

14. I have become addicted to watching a brand-new Hallmark Christmas movie every night since I don’t have to share the TV.

 

1. “Did you say hello to all the ladies here? Show some respect to your elders.”
2. “Don’t drive so fast.”
3. “Just be careful when you talk to some men, because they could be dangerous.”
4. “Watch out!  There’s a stop sign ahead!”
5. “You have some schmutz on your sleeve.  Here, let me spit on this napkin and clean that up for you.”
6. “I hope those aren’t the only shoes you selected to wear this weekend.”
7. “What time did you get home last night?”
8. “Are you planning on wearing your hair that way all day today?  In public?”
9. “Did you get enough to eat?  That didn’t look very filling.”
10. “You ordered a dessert?  Too many sweets aren’t good for you.”
11. “Are you and your sister keeping secrets from me?”
12.  “We both have a chance to receive Holy Communion today.  I assume you have no heavy sins and can partake with a clear conscience.”
13. “It’s always nice that you can find some time to spend with your mother.”

 

1. “When we look at these photos many years from now, you will be glad that you shaved the mustache off for our ceremony.”

2. “My mom is worried that the cake will be dry and crumbly.”

3. “My mom is worried that all 225 people will not fit into the banquet hall.”

4. “My mom is worried that there won’t be enough food to feed everyone.”

5.“Why did I ever agree to a dress with a train? The bustle is making me look fat.”

6. “I need a bridesmaid to hold my dress up while I pee.”

7. “OK, using a Porsche for the get-away car is cool, but it’s hard to sit in a bucket seat with this huge dress.”

8. “If the priest says ‘man and wife’ instead of ‘husband and wife’ I swear I will make him correct it.”

9. “Taking the garter off with your teeth may have been fun for us, but a few of our guests are offended.” 

10. “Oh, I am so happy that your parents offered to pick up the tab for the open bar.”

11. “My cheeks hurt from smiling.”

12. “Just let me lead, damn it, because I am a better dancer than you.”

13. “So yes, the priest did say to be fruitful and to multiply, but I cannot picture myself as a mom. And if we have kids, let’s wait until we are 40 and then just have one.”

14. “Psst, you mean you don’t know that couple that just went through the receiving line? I don’t know them either.”

15. “Elvis Presley signed our guestbook.”